The late September sun was baking down on our patio.
When I say “our”, I mean my Nan’s patio but due to the lockdown I hadn't gone back to my college and was still hanging around Orbit and looking after my Nan
Go on out would yer? - I heard her voice from the bathroom - for the love of god, would yer ever go out! I’m pure sick of you hanging round the cabin, I’m not used ter it. I’ve some friends coming round and there’s not enuff chairs.There was plenty of chairs in the garage as she knew I knew rightly, but I am quite a sensitive person and I felt that perhaps she needed some “Me” time
I know - I said - I’ll take Wesley for a walk
Good idea- said my Nan - you said yourself that he needed more exercise and that would go also for yourself ... Now ... Go away !
I packed a quick lunch of sandwiches, scotch eggs and cake and set off on my bicycle to the Botanica. Or ... As I have already explained ... Where the Botanica used to be until the day I helped Mario with the repairs
But the brothers were nowhere to be found in the brownfield and neither was Mario and neither was there any trace of Wesley so I leaned the bicycle against the stump of the locust tree beside the crater and had a look at the landscape
I was at the edge of town already and beyond it was mainly fields and and wilderness. One direction was along the river and the other one involved climbing up a steep hill so I did what any sane person would do and set off along the river bank
A good choice, I thought as I walked among leaves that were turning all the colours of cathedral glass, from citrine to crimson through apricot and lime.
A brown butterfly was sunning its wings on a hawthorn bush among the red berries . A late purple rose bloomed in among the swollen and shiny rose hips and the slow river reflecting the clouds in the sky. There was a sunlit clearing by the bank where the crickets were singing,I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect scene, and I sat down on a large log to eat a sandwich
Like what you see, do you ? - said a husky voice from somewhere - Shove up a bit, you are squashing my leg.
I moved quicker than I ever knew I could move ... I had actually thought I was quite alone ... I didn’t think there was anyone for miles and I couldn’t see anyone now. I looked down at the tree trunk I had been sitting on. Well, it did look a bit like a leg ... Not very like a leg, but a bit ... I ran my hands along the bark
That’s nice - said the voice - Do that some more
I leaped up, scattering the picnic on the grass
Aw, Gwan, give us a sandwich then, Did I scare you? You can’t see me can you? Try stepping back a bit
I did and I nearly fell in the river to the sound of adeep chortle. This was not what I was expecting on a quiet walk.
I looked back at the tree. It had looked quite normal when I sat on it but now it was swollen in the middle like a giant puffball
I looked away from it as this was a bit disturbing and saw the glint of metal in among the honeysuckle. It came from a metal shield with an eagle painted on it which I thought was pretty odd thing to be found in a clearing in the middle of nowhere ... And then I looked back and saw a woman eating one of my sandwiches
Tuna and sweetcorn - she said - not bad but could do with more mayo. What’s in the others?
Cheese and pickle - I said - egg and onion, pastrami on rye.
Oh yes - she said - I will have those. And the arm she stretched out was something I’d thought was a branch
Eating for two? - I asked crossly as I handed over the sandwiches one by one.
Two? She said - If only! I contain multitudes ... All These are my children.- She gestured vaguely with the last egg sandwich - Give me pastrami!
All what! - I asked. I was rather fond of pastrami myself which is why I had made them
Well ... You know ... Squirrels and rabbits - she said making circles in the air - sparrows and owls - she took a bite of pastrami and I waited while she chewed and then spat out the rind. Salmon and turtles and all things with leaves, hair and berries and feathers or fins
No wonder you’re hungry - I said, quite hungry myself actually - and how is it done?
She put her arms affectionately around her lump which by now was quite vast. With spores - she said fondly - there are millions in here and they go
everywhere
Some in the water and some in the air
Some in the feet of a donkey that passes
They fall onto logs and they fall into grasses
I like your poem - I said
Aw - you are just saying that. My husband liked my poems though
And who is your husband then?
Well obviously he is the Emperor
Why obviously
Because I am the Empress - I thought you knew that - who did you think I was?
I don’t know ... A Faerie Queen?
A Faerie Queen? How sweet. I eat Queens for breakfast you know
She shouldn’t have said that ... it made me hungry and I started wobbling on my feet- I feel faint
Oh do sit down then ... Thats it ... Right behind you ... You will feel better in a minute -And I found I was sitting on a large toadstool. One that certainly hadn’t been there a minute ago.
Oh my darlings - she said - I shouldn’t really say this but these ARE my favourites ... Of course I love ALL my children but most of them, furry , slimy, leafy, shrubbery,scaly seem to take after their fathers and it’s only these ones that take after me so they’re special
I felt totally privileged to be sitting on one of her special children and leaned back on another toadstool that had conveniently grown behind me and rested my arms on ones that had grown to the side
The Empress clapped her hands - Colin - she said - bring us something to drink and some cakes would you ? and a squirrel rolled up with cups of cowslip wine and fermented honey cakes on a tray and ... what to say ? We drunk ourselves paralytic
Or that is what I thought as when I opened my eyes from the srangest of dreams, I found that it was only me that couldn’t move - she was knitting a jersey
Look she said - its a new pattern - it’s for you !
I could see it was a caterpillar suit. I’m better at patterns than arms
I really ought to go home
No dear you cant go - you will stay here and recite poems to me when I feel in the mood. I like Walt Whitman
I don’t know any
Never mind ... You can read some then. - Colin!... bring me our Books of Poetry! - and the squirrel came back with some battered paperbacks. - We found them by the riverbank ... a lovely boy left them there before he drowned .in the river .. luckily they hardly even got wet
I opened the cover of Best of Milton and looked in the front. It said Property of Orbit High School Library. I said - I absolutely do have to go.
I am sorry - you don’t understand ... You really CANT go
You cant keep me here
I think you will find that I can. And she was right... I couldn’t move at all
Can I ask you a question?
Yes that is fair I suppose
What do I have to do to get you to release me?
You would have to know my name but you don’t. So settle back down and after we listen to a concert of bat music you can read me some poetry and then we will listen to some wolf howling
Can I ask you another question?
No. That was your only question. But if it was how many guesses you get at my name then that would be Three. It’s traditional. No hurry ... Want something to eat? Drink? Just settle down and relax until its time to listen to the dear little bats
I lay back and watched the deer and rabbits come and go, and wondered what her name could possibly be
